Confessions of a master thief

Unannounced like a thief in the night, that’s what they say right?
For in my job it’s fight or flight.
You get in my way, you’ll end up a sorry sight.
Like a blight I’m a plague on the neighbourhood, I invade homes in the name of the greater good, if others could steal like I could then I bet they would.

Each night I head out with the tools in the van.
Surrounded by my crew, a bunch of fools to a man.
But they’re brave. They’ve got balls. For when I ask them to step up I know they can.
They’re a bunch of tough mothers too, and they’re tight-knit.
To join this crew you’ve got to be the right fit.
Be willing to take a hit if needs be, or do a stint inside, which is never easy.

But we’ve all been there, we’ve all done our time.
It’s part and parcel of a life of crime.
You see me in your house though, good luck dialling 999. For those possessions you hold so dear will very soon become mine.

These days though, the game’s not the same. In truth it’s lame.
There’s less to gain and it’s become a hassle at best and at worst a pain.
Without sounding like an old fart you could say I’ve become less bold and lost my heart, but that’s only part of the reason.
Nowadays most of the stealing is done online and if you’re a cyber criminal it’s open season.

But that technology stuff, it’s not for me.
Give me old school any day, give me lock and key. Then I’ll show you who’s boss.
At the end of the day I’m running a business here and I’ll be damned if I’ll run it at a loss.

Anyway… those homes won’t rob themselves, I must get back.
I’ve got lots of lovely stuff to steal and that, as they say, is that.

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