Coming out (as an introvert)

Poetry

For years people have suspected I harbour a dark secret.
That I’m an extroverted introvert.
It’s fair to say it’s my daft weakness.
But I need a better way to express this to people.
Maybe with a smart leaflet?
Nah, scratch that, my methods need more passion.
Someone get me a charmed priestess.
I need her for casting spells and raising hell.
And setting out my extroverted introvert manifesto like she’s writing her stark thesis.
Simply because… when people say I’m confident I panic.
My mind racing but hidden behind calm features.
Maybe I’m more like an IT nerd, focusing on the detail.
Trying to code my life in a vast sequence.
But for the most part I avoid my flaws.
For a host of large reasons.
But none of them are really valid.
Which means this approach I just can’t give credence.
But in reality, the main problem I have is that I wrestle a dichotomy.
My mind torn between outgoing and withdrawn has my head a ripe vessel for lobotomy.
Am I normal, or the next Jekyll and Hyde?
Walling off emotions because my gut proper heckles inside.
Bending under duress as I’m put to the test.
Like a blacksmith beating at metal that’s fried.
Which is debilitating, and kind of makes it tempting to hide.
Cos even though my mental state is under threat, I’m not done yet embracing these lies.
Using the introvert as an excuse to keep saying I’m shy.
But when I do put myself out there.
It’s often the case my extrovert becomes swollen with pride.
So maybe I should take a step back.
And learn to be at peace with both sides.
Because life is beautiful either way.
And my dual personality is probably some sort of treat in disguise. 

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